You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
