Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
