but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
