I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
