I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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