I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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