Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
