i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
