I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
