My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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