Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
