can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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