I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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