This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
