How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
