mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
These tits shall not be calmed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
