ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
