my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
