I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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