No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
