I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
