I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
