On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize