Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
