I just saw a hot homeless man
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
