I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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