I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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