You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Girls should come with a carfax report
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
