His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
