Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
