never play flip cup with pint glasses
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't deserve a penis
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
