I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
