PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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