1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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