my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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