worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
