a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I stole a fireplace last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
