last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
