Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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