Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
