There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
