Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
