Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
