I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
