That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
