why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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