The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
