i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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