i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
