I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
