I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
