The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
