Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
