when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
