someone get that fucking seahorse.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
