Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
