His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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