All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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