if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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