Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
