I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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