Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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