I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
