its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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