The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I will pee on everything he values.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
