the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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