those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
