...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
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Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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