dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
