i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
