The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
