Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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