sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
