I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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