i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
